The Question: I try hard to be good White ally. I know that’s not the point, but I want to not be a jerk that’s upholding the ways in which White people make other people’s lives shitty. I know I know white supremacy lives in all of us but I just — want to do better. The problem is, I get so consumed by wanting to do better that I think I make things worse. I can tell because my friends who are POC are like… dude… chill. How do I calm down so my friends don’t have to deal w my feelings?
I watched the entirety of Gerard Way’s MCR miniseries — sorry, I mean, The Umbrella Academy.
Before his transition announcement, this was the last time I had thought about Elliot Page.
It was hard to look away.
Especially from Elliot’s performance.
My trans group chat made fun of the show, particularly Elliot, for hours after watching.
so stoic… or maybe sullen? I wrote.
CAN YOU SAY dissociated????? Or just not totally there… Whatever it is, its painful to watch!
After Elliot announced that he was a transman, that thread became my longest running unintentional self own to date.
So last week, though I tried as hard as I could to avoid it, I had to watch Juno for work.
Based on my experience of watching Umbrella Academy, I was not looking forward to this.
I figured re-watching this movie with this new knowledge of Elliot Page in mind, would not only be uncomfortable, but… Well, painful.
Instead, it was the opposite.
In Juno, Elliot Page is just as trans he seems in Umbrella Academy.
But in Juno, Elliot Page has no fucking idea he is trans- or at least, he’s not aware enough for it to actively haunt his every facial expression.
He’s just like, ha ha, this is me! Whatever dude!!
In both of these performances, at least according to me and all my projections, Elliot Page is incredibly, visibly, trans.
But in Juno, he is unselfconscious.
He seems like himself.
OBP, even though you’re talking about whiteness, privilege, when I read your question, I thought immediately of Elliot Page.
Here’s what it sounds like what you’re doing in these moments, when you know you’re overthinking it, not actually being helpful to people around you.
You’re getting lost in what is wrong with you.
You’re so consumed with hiding what might be wrong with you, you can’t just be who you are.
You’re Elliot Page in Umbrella Academy, not Elliot Page in Juno.
So what’s the solution?
Transition!
Just kidding.
I mean… You could.
I don’t know you.
But I think the solution is far simpler.
Be yourself.
Show up in somebody’s driveway in an armchair with a pipe and stupid glasses.
Talk as fast as you want.
You’ll make mistakes.
You’ll fuck it up.
But you’ll recover.
Focus on what you’re capable of.
What you like about yourself.
What is possible for you to do.
Go full Juno.
-H
** I have no idea if Elliot Page was aware that he was trans in during either of these productions. I have no idea what is his acting and what is my own projected shit. Please do not dm me about how I have an inappropriate parasocial relationship with Elliot Page, OK?
Read more from me at https://notesonfeednet.substack.com.
